Sorry madam, not on menu
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: India
It was hilarious, though in a rather tragic way. Helen and I spotted a rather posh sounding caf? on her guidebook somewhere deep within a city where we spent about 20 minutes battling through heavy traffic, spitting men, roaring rickshaws to finally locate it in a somewhat plush shopping mall. A great moment of elation descends upon us as we sat ourselves down with the colourful menu offering a gigantic variety of gourmet coffees both hot and cold.

The waiter came around and I indicated my choice of `Cauppochillo' (or something like that) which is described as `espresso with rich creamy milk and floating ice-cubes' (as though ice-cubes behaves any other way?) Unfortunately, he informed me that the selection was not available. I asked him if I could just have plain coffee, no sugar and cold. `But it is not in the menu!' he declared. So I spent the next 10 minutes exploring the fancy selection of coffee trying to alter it such that it is simply `Cold coffee without sugar'. Eventually he gave in and said he'll make it up for me, a new item of `espresso + milk + ice-cubes' to his extensive menu. I was ecstatic. He left and I collapsed headfirst onto the table feeling a satisfaction as though I've just taught a Quechuan child how to speak Mandarin.

This moment of triumph was short-lived though. The waiter returned 30 seconds later informing me that my choice of `espresso + milk + ice-cubes' was not possible because `management' (otherwise known as fat man behind the counter) does not permit the creation of anything that is not on the menu. I gave up. `Just get me a caf? latte then. No sugar please.'

If only ice-cubes comes as a side dish.

P/s on the directory of the shopping mall I spotted a rather interesting shop named `wife to be school'.

I think I've just about had enough of India. I want to go home now.