Hindi lessons
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: India
Further to 'Incredible India, Terrible India', here is a brief Hindi lesson compliments of Oliver

Ni (ryhmes with sky) means NO.

Jow (ryhmes with cow) means GO AWAY.

Dufaho (sounds as spelt) means F**K OFF or a near approximation to.

Incredible India, Terrible India
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: India
On good days India is terribly incredible. On bad days, India is incredibly terrible. In any case, there is simply no simple way any traveller can describe the multi-dimensional experience of walking on a typical street of India. Imagine stepping into a street of intense heat and humidity where the four-wheeled and four-legged entities all attempts to crush your toes instantly. Next thing you know you are greeted by a sweet scent of incense followed very quickly by the foul stench of ammonia. Three thousand car horns then go into a symphony and every other Indian man will begin an interrogation session with you while following you along the dirty grimy road. One Englishman we met summed it up in one sentence. "I learnt three words in Hindi, namely `No,' `Go away,' and `Fuck off,' and I find that they are all I need."

Now don't get me wrong. The spectacular historical monuments and intricate pattern designs in India are every architect's dream. The people who are not in the tourism trade are mostly kind and gentle and physical aggression from the natives is rare. With such rich and vibrant history, gorgeous handicrafts and such variety of landscape, India is indeed an incredible destination. Yet there is simply no way one can prepare for all this difficulty. It demands a serene mind or else there will be threats of cardiac arrests. 5 weeks later and back in Singapore, I am knackered.

Pirated books
Mood:  energetic
Topic: India
Landmark Bookshop, Spencer Plaza, Chennai.

This place is just heavenly. Both of us, templed-out, churched out, in short, completely Indiaed-out, found Spencer plaza, described as `The shopper's dream come true'. And here, indeed, the 2 of us bookworms felt like our dreams had indeed came true.

Landmark is a massive bookshop that shamelessly sells a massive collection of what I call `pirated books'. They look like the original published version, but costs half of the published recommended retail price. Not surprisingly the quality is dubious, some pages cropped off abruptly. Helen and I went lunatic on the books and decided on the spot that we must set up a virtual book club.

Sorry madam, not on menu
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: India
It was hilarious, though in a rather tragic way. Helen and I spotted a rather posh sounding caf? on her guidebook somewhere deep within a city where we spent about 20 minutes battling through heavy traffic, spitting men, roaring rickshaws to finally locate it in a somewhat plush shopping mall. A great moment of elation descends upon us as we sat ourselves down with the colourful menu offering a gigantic variety of gourmet coffees both hot and cold.

The waiter came around and I indicated my choice of `Cauppochillo' (or something like that) which is described as `espresso with rich creamy milk and floating ice-cubes' (as though ice-cubes behaves any other way?) Unfortunately, he informed me that the selection was not available. I asked him if I could just have plain coffee, no sugar and cold. `But it is not in the menu!' he declared. So I spent the next 10 minutes exploring the fancy selection of coffee trying to alter it such that it is simply `Cold coffee without sugar'. Eventually he gave in and said he'll make it up for me, a new item of `espresso + milk + ice-cubes' to his extensive menu. I was ecstatic. He left and I collapsed headfirst onto the table feeling a satisfaction as though I've just taught a Quechuan child how to speak Mandarin.

This moment of triumph was short-lived though. The waiter returned 30 seconds later informing me that my choice of `espresso + milk + ice-cubes' was not possible because `management' (otherwise known as fat man behind the counter) does not permit the creation of anything that is not on the menu. I gave up. `Just get me a caf? latte then. No sugar please.'

If only ice-cubes comes as a side dish.

P/s on the directory of the shopping mall I spotted a rather interesting shop named `wife to be school'.

I think I've just about had enough of India. I want to go home now.

I have become a monster
Mood:  blue
Topic: India
India had made me a monster. It is not good.

I usually strive to be polite to people, even strangers on the street. However, the millions of scammer each day we run into the street hassling and begging for our attention each day had forced me to turn a blind eye and ignore then before I go nuts.

Yes I know your baby is cute, but your baby is also screaming.

1/2 of Indian men are kind and gracious, the other 1/2 are lying bastards who grabs at every opportunity to scam every possible penny they can from you. Unfortunately, all of them looks friendly at the beginning so it is never easy to tell which category they belong to. In the defense mode we simply adopt the 'play safe' mode and be apprehensive about everyone. It is eventually very tiring and mades me feel like a horrible rude woman.

99% of Indian women are gorgeous and graceful and kind though. The only couple of exceptions we've met though, is grumpy granny on our day trip in Mysore, and a sour face ticket vendor in the train station at Kochi. However, 99% of Indian woman also have along with then, one or two screaming babies...

In short, I've turned into a rude, arrogant woman who has no compassion for woman and children. A spiritual change indeed.

Chennai
Mood:  hungry
Topic: India
We arrived in Chennai last evening at 8.30 after a long 16 1/2 hour journey from Thrivanathupuram (Trivandrum). That was as far south as we would have gone, though if we had taken the day trip from Thriv to Kanniyakumari we would have reached the south most point of India. However, in order to brace ourselves for the train ride yesterday and the horrific 33 1/2 hour journey to Delhi starting 10pm tonight, we decided to give that day trip a miss.

So far my knowlege of Chennai stretches from Egmore station to Hotel Regal (where we are staying) and the restaurants in between the two. Neverthesless I am having a better impression of this city then that of Mumbai and Delhi. Helen and I reckon that the city in India that will haunt you eternally will be that one that you landed in. For both of us it was Delhi, though after several bad experience in Mumbai Helen resents Bombay far more.

That 16 hour on the train wasn't as bad as we'd imagined, half the time we were bombarded by snack vendors and one would think we'll never go hungry. Yet when the moment came for me to finally desire some food, all the vendors miraculously dissappeared...

Kochi
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: India
Kochi, one of the most visited places in Kerala. It has a Catholic, Muslim and Jew community. (Unfortunately it also has a large community of mosquitos) The main town is quaint, peaceful and full of luxrious 'Westernised' commodities such as Continental breakfast, toilet paper (the locals never use them!) and lots of Engish literature. In fact, it is so westernised that we can't even find traditional-styled Indian food.

Tomorrow we are going for a 7 hour backwater cruise, the activity Kerala is famous for.

Attaining Nirvana
Mood:  cool
Topic: India
A few days ago we left the peacefulness of Palolem beach and head back to the 'real' India of chaos and disorder. It is interesting how I seem to have achieve a greater serenity inside me in order to cope with the madness all around. If one does not accomplish this quietude of the soul, the zillions of Indians screaming for your attention each day will very quickly gnaw everything off you.

Let's take the long way home...
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: India
How much distance can a bus cover in 8 hours, in which the manic driver stubbornly adheres to the same speed whether going through zillion potholes or doing dangerously windy roads? At the rate we were travelling I almost suspected that having spent half the journey with our bums up in the air, that the bus was able to fly across the entire India subcontinent by mid-day. To my devastation as I inspected the map, the distance between our set off point Mangalore and our final destination Mysore was a pitiful 230km.

Palolem Beach
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: India
Today is my 3rd day in Palolem, and I had practically been doing nothing. It was great. This cresent shaped beach is quite interesting, filled with a large variety of people. For starters, there are the travellers like Helen and myself, the shop vendors and hotel managers. Then there are families on vacation and countless number of couples on their romantic getaways. Thousand of Indian ladies and men tread across the white sands trying to sell to the sun-bathers jewellerys and strange artifacts. Indian tourists on holiday, swimming in their saris. Not forgetting the four legged creatures - yesterday we witness a spectacular fight between two massive horned beast and plenty of dogs cheering them on. The crows like to sing each dusk and dawn, and the family of pigs residing close to our shack lies in the shade from the afternoon sun.

I finally finished that long dry history text book entitled 'White Mughals'. The main plot is about a tragic love story between a British resident and a Muslim woman of noble birth. While the story itself was interesting, what was more revealing of India in the late 18th Century was the first influx of Europeans into their subcontinent. It was highly informative, but after slaving through it for the past two weeks I am so glad to finally finish it.

Oliver
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: India
Oliver is a 31 year old English guy whom, bless him, is a really funny character at times. However, when it comes to organisation and EQ, he really doesn't score too well.

About 12 days ago at our rooftop restaurant in Jodhpu (a city NW of Delhi) he adruptly joined Helen and I for a drink and stuck around with for the next 10 days. While at times he can be really entertaining, most of the times he drove us insane because he practically expected us to take complete care for him. What amused me most was that he knows that he is being totally lazy (As he admited himself) but doesn't lift a finger in managing the logistics for travel.

After 10 very un-subtle and unsuccessful hints asking him to go away, I told him with a firm finality that it is time to say goodbye. He looked crestfallen, and I nearly felt sorry for him. Now that he is finally gone, at least I can look back with fond memories instead of thinking of him with murderous thoughts each day.

Palolem
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: India
We are in Palolem! Tropical paradise as we know it. It is slightly build up, as compared to the East beaches of Zanzibar, the best beach I've been in my life. But the build up is rather good for our comfort, since the internet, shops, nice restaurants and cafes are at our fingertips. After many days of traveling, we are finally seeing loads of foreigners and fellow travelers. This should be quite good fun.

Mumbai to Goa
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: India
We had left Mumbai, the journey was treacherous, a 18 hour bus ride on an stuffy double sleeper. It was quite an experience. My travel mate Helen is amazed by how I managed to sleep through all conditions. Apparently the tire exploded in the middle of the night and our bus driver did a big swerve across the tarmac and then spent 1 ? hours replacing the tire. I didn't even realise all that!

At first impression Goa is a tropical paradise. I woke up this morning to witness a calm peaceful landscape of lush vegetation and occasional agricultural terrain. Panjim is the capital city, and much to my anticipation of a Indian `Stone Town' (Capital town of Zanzibar, Tanzania), this place has nothing quite like the vibrant street life of the latter.

But all is well. Tomorrow we are heading to Palolem, the South most beach of Goa, apparently comparable to 'The Beach', as in that famous Leonardo di Caprio movie.

Mumbai/Bombay
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: India
What a city! A population of 16 million, less then 2 percent of India's population but it generates 40% of their GNP. At first sight no one can possible guess how or why. I cannot lie and say that I like and enjoy Mumbai, the same way it is nearly impossible not to find Delhi repulsive. I feel sorry for visitors to India who had not been to any other part of the country other then this two cities, for they are such an ordeal to go through.

Tomorrow we will be in Goa, the promised land. I can't wait!

Romantic Udaipur
Mood:  amorous
Topic: India
Amorous? Not quite really. Udaipur is the most romantic city in India, as claimed by numerous guide books and commentry. However, when one probes further to find out why, the only apparent reason is their 'shimmering lakes' and glorious palaces.

It is the dry season and half the lake is dried up. I walked on the dusty terrain where water used to flow. It wasn't glamourous at all, pollution, garbage and all. With the scotching afternoon heat burning on my back, I find it difficult to percieve this place anywhere close to being romantic.